Month One

I can't believe Paige is already a month old.... people aren't kidding when they say the time flies. I imagined that time would feel like it had slowed down with the lack of sleep but even on the nights when I would be awake with baby for hours, time did not drag, in fact it feels like it's slipping away and it's scary because I know my baby is just going to keep growing and you're never quite sure if you're making the most of the time you have.

Paige is gorgeous. She is so beautiful and such a wonderful baby. They say babies can't smile until they're about two months old but she's been smiling from the beginning. We get to see her big beautiful blue eyes more often now as she's beginning to be awake for longer periods (we're still only talking two hours at a time max though) and when she has her eyes open and smiles it's the most stunning thing to see. Her whole face lights up! Her little face when she's sleeping fills me with wonder too. The expressions she makes and her smiles in her sleep make me chuckle to myself as I wonder what's going on in that little head of hers and what her and the angels are talking about. I love to watch her face when she's feeding. To watch her little jaw moving as she sucks and watching her go from being fully awake to completely asleep is a privilege to be able to watch. Even watching her cry is cute, seeing her little face scrunch up and seeing her cute little gums. Not that she's a crier though, we'll get little bursts and that's about it. She's learnt to take a dummy (soother) and she picked it up so quickly. She's such a smart little girl, a really fast learner.

Sometimes I look at Paige or all I have to do is think of her and I want to cry. Happy tears, always happy tears just because I know Ryan and I are so lucky to have her. She's so beautiful, my treasure, and the emotion just overwhelms me. I love her so much.

The sleepless nights don't bother me as much as I thought they would. She'll wake up anywhere from once to three times a night which is really good. I'm used to waking up now and I don't even think about it. That doesn't mean I don't wish I was sleeping more though!

My mum came to stay for a week last week and it was so wonderful having her here. Seeing her dote on Paige and just having her company and experience was brilliant. I never felt really close to my mum growing up and it was completely my fault but over the past few years and especially since getting pregnant and now having Paige I miss her terribly and really do feel close to her. She's more than just my mum, she's one of my closest friends. I can't wait for my dad to get here with her and the rest of my family at the end of the month to meet Paige and I'm just as excited to get to take Paige back to England to meet her great-grandparents too.

With Paige being so young she sleeps through most of her first experiences. For example, when she met Dashiell Anderson (they were born 10 days apart) or her first time to the grocery store. Yesterday was her first Canada day! She slept through her first BBQ but when we went to see some fireworks last night she was awake for her first firework experience! Ryan and I were pretty excited for her even though she won't remember it, hehe.

I don't know that I can say having Paige has changed my life as it just feels like such a natural adjustment. It's only been a month and we've been blessed to have a healthy baby and one that is just so easy to fall in love with that I really would not change any of it. My husband and my baby have become the purpose for my life. Who knows what potential I have and what I could achieve if I was not married and had a baby, but honestly, I don't want any part of it. All I want is to be a good wife and a good mother and if I can achieve that, I would be happier than any worldly title or prize could make me. My family is the most important thing to me and how I will measure myself in the years to come. It is my purpose for being here on this earth. This I believe and I'm just so grateful that I have Ryan as my husband and Paige as my daughter as they just make my life complete.